Listening

‘When we speak of listening with compassion, we usually think of listening to someone else. But we must also listen to the wounded child inside us. Sometimes the wounded child in us needs all our attention. That little child might emerge from the depths of your consciousness and ask for your attention. If you are mindful, you will hear his or her voice calling for help. At that moment, instead of paying attention to whatever is in front of you, go back and tenderly embrace the wounded child. You can talk directly to the child with the language of love, saying, “In the past, I left you alone. I went away from you. Now, I am very sorry. I am going to embrace you.” You can say, “Darling, I am here for you. I will take good care of you. I know you suffer much. I have been so busy. I have neglected you, and now I have learned a way to come back to you.” If necessary, you have to cry together with the child.” “Breathing in, I go back to my wounded child; breathing out I take good care of my wounded child.”

You have to talk to your inner child several times a day. Only then can healing take place. Embracing your child tenderly, you reassure him that you will never let him down again or leave him unattended. The little child has been left alone for so long. That is why you need to begin this practice right away. If you don’t do it now, when will you do it?

If you know how to go back to her and listen carefully every day for five or ten minutes, healing will take place. When you climb a beautiful mountain, invite your child within to climb with you. When you contemplate the sunset, invite her to enjoy it within you. If you do that for a few weeks or a few months, the wounded child in you will experience healing.

With practice, we can see that our wounded child is not only us. Our wounded child may represent several generations. Our mother may have suffered throughout her life. Our father may have suffered. Perhaps our parents weren’t able to look after the wounded child in themselves. So when we’re embracing the wounded child in us, we’re embracing all the wounded children of our past generations. This practice is not a practice for ourselves alone, but for numberless generations of ancestors and descendants.

Our ancestors may not have known how to care for their wounded child within, so they transmitted their wounded child to us. Our practice is to end this cycle. if we can heal our wounded child, we will not only liberate ourselves, but we will also help liberate whoever has hurt or abused us. The abuser may also have been the victim of abuse. There are people who have practiced with their inner child for a long time who have a lessening of their suffering and have experienced transformation. Their relationships with their family and friends have become much easier.

We suffer because we have not been touched by compassion and understanding. If we generate the energy of mindfulness, understanding, and compassion for our wounded child, we will suffer much less. When we generate mindfulness, compassion and understanding become possible, and we can allow people to love us. Before, we may have been suspicious of everything and everyone. Compassion helps us relate to others and restore communication.

The people around us, our family and friends, may also have a severely wounded child inside. If we’ve managed to help ourselves, we can also help them. When we’ve healed ourselves, our relationships with others become much easier. There’s more peace and more love in us.

Go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your feelings need you, your perceptions need you. The wounded child in you needs you. Your suffering needs you to acknowledge it. Go home and be there for all these feelings. Practice mindful walking and mindful breathing. Do everything in mindfulness so you can really be there, so you can love.’

Thich Nhat Hanh, Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child.

Lorna Wilson

Minister KTR speaking at the launch of Apple Development Centre

Watch Telangana IT Minister K. T. Rama Rao, popularly known as KTR, addressing at Apple Mapping development centre, which was inaugurated by Apple CEO Tim Cook in Hyderabad. The minister, while making a welcoming note to Tim Cook, said that the state government has been waiting for this occasion. The minister, while highlighting the new IT policy of the state has made it clear that state government will co-operate the companies in a big manner, encouraging their skills. - 

Four Surrender Strategies to Communicate with Difficult People

Many of us spend an inordinate amount of time and energy contending with difficult people or “emotional vampires” at work and at home. It’s a reflex to emotionally contract around them feeling powerless, irritated, hurt, or miserable, reactions that just wear you out. But, they can’t steal your happiness unless you let them.

Surrender can improve your communication skills in many kinds of challenging interactions. For instance, do you know when to surrender your need to be right in order to restore love at home, or when to surrender resentments so that you can forgive? How to avoid taking things personally? Or deal with a friend or spouse who’s doing something you disagree with?

Be aware that your ego could resist the concept of surrender as its aim is to create open channels of communication between people rather than stonewalling or defending, responses the ego is more accustomed to. Instead if you value “we” as well as “me,” you become a master at diffusing negativity, not a pushover. Let’s say you’re deadlocked in an argument; nobody’s giving in. Then what? Don’t turn it into a battle for supremacy. Instead, give the first inch, an act of true strength. Apologizing for your part in the conflict shows that you value the relationship more than your ego. This opens the door for others to admit their part too. It’s people with real power who step up first to surrender their ego, promoting impeccable communication.

Here are four strategies from The Ecstasy of Surrender to help you deal with the difficult people in your life.

Strategy #1: Follow the Laws of Impeccable Communications
Follow these general laws of communication so you’re able to flow with difficult people and prevent blocks. In your daily life, these will ensure that you’re leading from a position of strength not anger or desperation. You’ll be flexible instead of just meeting conflict with an oppositional force.
The Laws of Impeccable Communication

Do

Be calm, not emotionally reactive

Avoid defensiveness--it makes you look weak

Patiently hear someone out without interrupting or needing to have the last word

Empathize with where people are coming from, even if you disagree with them

Pick your battles, apologize when necessary

Don’t

Be drawn into drama

React impulsively out of anxiety or anger so you say something you’ll regret

Hold onto resentments or stay attached to being right

Attempt to manage other people’s lives or become their therapist

Shame people, especially in front of others

Get in the habit of applying these laws to both friends and foes. The “dos” involve surrender and discernment. They will move you closer to resolving conflict by first harmonizing with another’s position, even if you disagree. This sets a tone to resolve conflicts or set boundaries whereas antagonism just alienates.

Strategy #2: Be Mindful of Your Attitude
Your attitude is important. Difficult people can be like spiritual teachers who are meant to awaken us, though they aren’t conscious of their role. Nobody said awakening is always pleasant or easy. But they can teach you about surrender: the attitudes you must release to triumph over them or set boundaries and which of their behaviors you must not surrender too. Most difficult people aren’t trying to harm you: they are just unconscious or self-absorbed. Very few are truly dark and have evil motives.

Strategy #3: Watch the Tone of Your Voice
Your tone of voice is important too. A critical tone only inflames people. Set limits with them and firmly say “no” with love, instead of sounding snippy or blaming when someone “steps over the red line.” To get the attention of chronic talkers or those on a rant, it helps to open your remark by lovingly saying their name. Hearing one’s name aloud instinctively makes us pause. Remember, we all can be difficult at times. Let this sobering fact curb your enthusiasm for chastising the shortcomings of others in word or tone.

Strategy #4: Be Compassionate
Do your best not to vilify people, even when they’re obnoxious or unkind. Realize that anger addicts, guilt trippers, or the other types of difficult people are insecure, wounded, and disconnected from their hearts. The challenge around bad behavior is to maintain your power and priorities while setting clear boundaries, no matter how annoying, negative, or full of themselves others can be.

People can be annoying and disappointing, as we all sometimes are. None of us is perfect; most of us are doing the best we can. So keep searching for a part of someone that you can empathize with, even when it’s a stretch. You may not always succeed, but keep trying. This doesn’t make you a doormat or a victim. Rather, such compassion allows you to become the finest version of yourself, even as you set limits with bad behavior.

Judith Orloff MD

உடல் மொழி..! (பாடி லாங்குவேஜ்)

பெரும்பாலானவர்கள் அறியாத ஓர் உண்மை! நாம் மற்றவரிடம் பேசுவதற்கு முன்பே நம் கண், கை அசைவுகள், அமரும் விதம் போன்றவை நம்மைப் பற்றி அவரிடம் வெளிப்படுத்துகின்றன. இதற்கு ‘பாடி லாங்குவேஜ்’ என்று பெயர்.

எங்கோ பார்த்துக் கொண்டு, நகத்தை கடித்துக் கொண்டு, முகத்தை கோபமாக வைத்துக் கொண்டு கைகளை கட்டிக் கொண்டு பேசிப் பாருங்கள். உங்கள் பேச்சைக் கேட்க ஆர்வமாக இருப்பவர்களும், ஆர்வம் இழந்து விடுவார்கள்.

அதே சமயம், அவரை நோக்கி புன்னகையுடன், நீங்கள் பேசுவதை, உங்கள் கைகளால் விவரித்தபடி பேசிப் பாருங்கள். பாடி லாங்குவேஜ் எவ்வளவு முக்கியம் என்பது உங்களுக்கே புரியும்!

நீங்கள் வேண்டியதை அடைய வேண்டுமென்றால் கீழே உள்ள பாடி லாங்குவேஜ்
பற்றிய எளிய குறிப்புகளை பயன்படுத்திப் பாருங்கள். பெரியவருடனோ, சிறியவருடனோ, கணவருடனோ அல்லது நண்பருடனோ, உங்கள் முதலாளியுடனோ அல்லது உங்களோடு வேலை பார்ப்பவருடனோ, இக்குறிப்புகளை பயன்படுத்தி, நீங்கள் சொல்வதை அவர்களை கேட்கச் செய்யுங்கள். வெற்றி நிச்சயம் உங்களுக்கே!

மற்றவரிடம் பேசும்போது, கைகளை கட்டிக் கொள்ளாதீர்கள். அது உங்களை பலவீனமானவராக காட்டுகிறது.

மற்றவரின் கண்களை நேராகப் பார்த்து பேசவும். அது உங்களை நேர்மையானவராகக் காட்டும்.

மிகத்தொலைவிலிருந்து மற்றவரோடு குரலை உயர்த்திப் பேசாதீர்கள்.

நீங்கள் பேசுவதை மற்றவர் கேட்க வேண்டுமானால் அவர் முகத்தைப் பார்த்து பேசவும்.

நேராக அமர்ந்து அல்லது நின்று பேசவும். கூன் போட்டு அமர்ந்தால் மற்றவர் உங்களை சோம்பேரி என நினைக்கக்கூடும்.

பேசும்போது முடியை கோதிக் கொள்வதையோ அல்லது அடிக்கடி உடைகளை சரிப் படுத்துவதையோ தவிர்க்கவும். அது உங்களை நம்பிக்கையற்றவராகக் காட்டும்.

நகத்தையோ, பென்சில் / பேனா முனையையோ கடிப்பதை தவிர்க்கவும். அது உங்களை பயந்தவராக காட்டக்கூடும்.

நம்பிக்கையோடு கூடிய புன்னகை, நீங்கள் சொல்வதை கேட்க விரும்பாதவரையும் கேட்கவைக்கும்.

குழந்தைகளோடு பேசும்போது, அருகில் அமர்ந்து பரிவோடு பேசவும்.

உங்கள் பேச்சை விளக்குவதற்கு, உங்கள் கைகளையும் பயன்படுத்தவும். சைகைகள் நீங்கள் சொல்வதை மேலும் விவரிக்கும்.