குடிக்கு அடிமையாகும் கணவர்களால் சுகம் தேடி வெளியே செல்லும் 80 சதவீத பெண்கள்... அதிர்ச்சி தகவல்!
Almost every married person has faced marriage problems one time or the other. It would not be an exaggeration to say that there is no marriage without marriage problems even if the partners truly love each other. The reasons of marriage problems could be any and many. Therefore, the timings, nature, frequency and intensity of marital discords would also vary from couple to couple.
However, the family members and well
wishers would certainly not expect the wife cheating on her husband and
having an extramarital affair.
During a marriage counselling session,
the husband and wife were sitting in front of me. There were many points
raised by both the partners against each other as the reasons for
marital discord and being unhappy living together. Suddenly the husband
raised the issue of infidelity. According to him the wife is still
dating the man she loved before marriage, though he is a married man
now. Of course, the wife vehemently denied the allegation saying that
they are doing a business activity together as partners only and they
are not having any affair.
Whatever were the details of the case, a
few questions repeatedly hammered my mind – Do married women have extra
marital affair? If so, then what are the reasons? Why married woman
cheat on their spouse?
Do Married Women Cheat
It would be incorrect and insulting to
married women if the answer were a simple Yes. It needs to be qualified.
Let us put it this way that there are some married women who do have
extra marital affairs or extramarital relationships.
It may not be possible to quote
statistics from some authentic research or survey on extra marital
affairs involving married women as it would depend from place to place
and time to time. But it is safe to presume that the percentage of cases
where married women are cheating on their spouse is increasing and the
absolute numbers are also alarming. It would be safe to say the
percentage of infidelity cases has already crossed the double digit. The
analysis of same estimates may also show that younger to middle aged
people are more likely to have an affair than older married persons.
Why Married Women Cheat and have Extra Marital Affair
Just as reasons why married men fall in
love with other woman, it was found that the reasons married women have
affairs are not very different
Below are a few of the most common reasons found.
1. In love with someone before marriage
It
is as simple as that. Perhaps the woman was already in love with
someone before marriage and could not marry him for whatever reasons or
circumstances. After marriage the lady failed to form a compatible
relationship with her husband. If looked deeper, the reasons could be
that the husband did not give enough care, love and attention to his
wife which made her long for pre-marriage relationship. Hence this led
to infidelity.
Also it is quite possible that despite
having a good husband and family of in-laws the now married woman could
not forget her first love.
Depending on individual perception, this
could be an insignificant reason because “love” is so difficult to
define. Also equally important are responsibility, commitment and
stability. While to some others, getting satisfactory sexual and
emotional intimacy may seem to be more important than remaining faithful
in marriage.
2. Falling in love with someone else
This is quite similar to previous one,
except that the timings of forming a relationship with another man is
post marriage. One of the many causes could be that the lady has fallen
out of love with her partner and has got strongly attracted to someone
new. Also like the previous case, the absence of the husband or not
giving enough love and attention could be the motivating factor.
Short Video: Why Married Women Cheat and have Extra Marital Affair
3. To seek revenge
In a relationship or a marriage, where
the husband is already having an affair the wife thinks it is
appropriate to teach husband by having an affair herself. The other
combination could be where the relationship is suffering due to the bad
attitude or physical violence by the husband. The hurt partner is now
significantly encouraged to find something from outside of the marriage
which has been denied to her.
Whatever may be the explanation given by
the married lady, her real motivation is to seek revenge. Currently
this is the most common cause being quoted.
4. Variety is the spice of life
For some this concept goes beyond cars, furniture and fashion and includes sexual variety through more than one partner as well.
When it comes to falling for physical
attraction and wanting to have sex, women are no different from men.
Sometimes women married for couple of years to the same person have a
stronger craving and they go in for a bit of a change in their routine.
Here the women are strongly attached to the physical level and for them
sex has become routine and predictable,
If she gets a chance, she does not mind
having an adventure – to begin with discreetly. But later if she enjoys
it then this could be in the form of a casual affair or a solid
committed relationship.
5. Boredom
Imagine a situation where the husband
and wife are living in two separate towns because of career reasons. The
wife, therefore, bears more than usual share of responsibilities on her
shoulders. Day after day, it is the same mundane routine – get up
early, prepare breakfast, drop kids to the school, rush to the office,
face the rough and tough world, return home tired and there is no one to
talk to and give the emotional support.
Then one day, a smart man walks into her
life through the backdoor of emotions. It starts with having coffee
together and exchange of sweet text and picture messages on Whatsapp but
then it goes much beyond in no time. It is one of the major reasons why
some married women cheat on their husband or partner.
6. Adultery is no more a shame
Adultery
is as old as the mankind and infidelity is as modern as the latest
mobile phone model. Unlike the more careful and self restrained women of
yester years, the women are not bothered about their neither image nor
are they concerned what others think about their cheating. They know
very well that an extra marital affair or more is not going to get them a
social boycott or disgrace in the society. They confidently do what
pleases their senses and is OK with their morality, even if it is called
infidelity.
Society may denounce it morally — but
people overlook it, time and again. We condemn it ethically — but often
quietly forgive it to be practical.
“Infidelity is the ultimate crime in a
marriage,” says Whitman private investigator. And yet there are stories
and gossips everywhere proving that the shame of stepping out has faded.
Public figures, famous professionals and celebrities bounce back
unscathed.
“Life is short. Let us have an affair”
seems to going well with everyone who gets a chance. Nobody would like
to miss a chance to have an extra marital affair.
7. Desire for emotional support and intimacy
Right or wrong, women having an extra
marital affair say that they do it for the emotional connection. They
want to bond with someone who is listening, caring and supportive at the
emotional level.
Gone are the days when the infidelity
carried a big social stigma. What is left now is only a mention about it
for gossip purposes. It is quite acceptable now. Over the years, there
have been huge societal shifts which have accepted women going out,
working, and having friendships across gender lines at the workplace.
The married woman spends more number of waking hours in the company of
male colleagues in the office than with her husband. Under these
circumstances, if she happens to find someone better than her husband
then it is bound to develop further into an extra marital affair.
8. Lust
All humans have desires and needs and
married women having physical needs are no exception. Secondly a woman
for one or the other reason may not be completely happy with her
partner. So if a woman happens to meet a man who has one or more of the
qualities of being smart, great conversationalist, rich, successful then
the probability is high that the woman will be lusting for him. The
bonding will happen fast if the man too has a roving eye and knows how
to pay the lady right compliments and strike the right cord.
Once again, this may have nothing to do with love between the husband and wife.
9. Show off
Some women have a complex and they want
to prove to the world by showing off that they are hot or very modern or
their company is very much sought after. Even if she has a good, caring
and loving husband but the lady is out to show that there are men
everywhere who are attracted to her.
10. Free help
Good society manners suggest that men
should offer women seat; open car door for them; offer their hand when
the lady is taking a flight of stairs, offer help to take the heavy bags
from them and so on. But some women take it too far. They think men can
be ‘used’ for many sundry purposes starting from driving them to point A
to point B; running errands for them; give them a company for grocery
shopping; taking them out for dinner or lunch and in return they don’t
mind having an affair.
The boyfriend may not be very handsome
or ideal for the long term but he is great for a good company for
afternoon grocery shopping or a visit to the hair stylist. It starts
with the thought, “I need someone to be around me all the time.”
It is a matter of simple give and take
and the women think that they have nothing to lose, rather they gain
from this kind of relationship.
11. Fostering a desire for Attention and Flattery
All women need attention but some women
need it all the time and more than others. So if there is a man who is
giving “the attention seeking woman” some extra attention and whispers
into her ears some sweet words of flattery the affair is bound to
happen, especially if the married woman does not mind having an affair.
All a smart man has to do is to spot
such a woman, care about her feelings and show his concern by asking
her, “Did you eat properly? Was the food to your liking? Are you OK?”
It is usual that after marriage, men
tend to get busier with their careers and as husbands take their wives
for granted. They don’t say “I love you” that often now. It was the same
man who was much more caring and concerned for her as a boyfriend. Now
if another man takes responsibility of looking after her, he is likely
to have her heart.
12. A need to feel sought after
As the marriage gets older, the mutual
attraction begins to fade away. The love birds become two wheels of a
cart called the family. The romantic emotions, physical attachment and
love etc. are replaced by a mechanical life full of roles and
responsibilities for both the partners. In their middle ages, many women
tend to feel unwanted and not praised by husband and kids. Enter a
colleague or a neighbor in the lady’s life who showers her with
compliments and affection. It suddenly feels like oasis in the desert,
especially for the sensitive women who are starved for praise,
compliments but get indifferent and bored looks from kids and husband.
Many women don’t mind exploring adult
dating websites and with it come scores of men who find them attractive
and sexually desirable. Through discreet extramarital affairs with new
partners women are able to revive and re-live their past when they were
found to be charming, beautiful and sexy.
13. Pressure of own or husband’s career prospects
This is the case where the woman will go
to any extent to move up and move fast in her career. She is willing to
give favours in return for fast promotion, plum postings, fat pay check
or a powerful position in the organisation. Sometimes the lady may be
doing it for her husband willingly or coerced by her husband. Either
way, the married woman is having an extra marital affair with the boss
but let the readers decide if she is cheating.
14. Influence of the company
Sarah who was born and brought up in a
small town, moved to a metropolis city after marriage. Her husband was
in sales and would normally travel for 3 days in a week. Rest of the
days he would work till late in the office. To get herself some company,
Sarah made some friends in the neighborhood. As the acquaintance
developed into friendship, her friends would invite her to parties. She
found that these ladies were quite liberal and modern in some ways. Each
one had many male friends and their level of intimacy was quite high.
Then one day Sarah met Mike – a tall,
handsome, gym chiseled body and Sarah could not resist. Now once every
fortnight, Sarah and Mike meet privately outside. They chose the day
when Sarah’s husband is travelling.
‘We have good time together and after
spending the night together, we go back to our families,’ tells Sarah.
She is not looking for a soul mate nor is she planning to divorce her
husband. She is only looking for physical release. She terms her
relationship and affair with Mike ‘Mind-blowing.’
15. Money and Establishing Safety Net
Wendy and her husband Andrew are married
for good 15 years now. They have lived in good houses, enjoyed many
vacations and had been having a great life style. Time just flew by.
With the change in the economic scenario and rapid advancement in
technology, Andrew is not very employable now. He has been without job 3
times in the last 2 years. This meant cut in their budget as well as
putting up with somewhat irritable nature of Andrew. It was around this
time when Wendy bumped into her college time class mate Brian. Wendy was
amazed to see Brian still so witty and full of life. Also he is so
successful in his business career. Brian also found Wendy so charming,
so well maintained, chirpy and full of life. It did not take long for
them to develop a relationship. This relationship was a matter of mutual
convenience and provided for the needs of both. Wendy found a rich man
who would take her out for classy dinners, shower her with expensive
gifts and pay attention to her blabbering. While Brian got the company
of a lady who was much smarter, beautiful and sexy than his wife who was
overweight, nagging and moody.
16. A need to feel wanted
This usually happens in the case of
ladies who have a short career such as modelling, acting etc. When
rising up or at the peak, everyone is around them and their beck and
call. People are there to tolerate their tantrums. But such ladies are
given cold shoulder the moment there is someone else more popular or
hotter. Psychologically it is an unbearable mental torture and very
painful. At this time some of the ladies don’t mind going in for
extramarital affair with a much younger male who is a new comer and
struggler who wants to establish himself in the industry. So hoping for
some recommendations, the young man don’t mind giving their ‘services’
in return.
To sum up
Why Women Cheat?
Top reasons most frequently quoted for female infidelity and having extra marital affair include:
- In love with someone before marriage
- Falling in love with someone else
- To seek revenge.
- Variety is the spice of life
- Boredom
- No fear of public opinion or criticism
- Desire for emotional support and intimacy
This pertinently explains why married
women get enchanted by other men outside of their marriage. Not only
they have an extra marital affair but feel strongly pulled towards him.
Apparently there are gains by both the cheating partners – at least till
the relationship lasts. It is better in the interest of all and from a
long term point of view that there is no cheating.
thanks http://greatlifezone.com/
thanks http://greatlifezone.com/
தமிழகத்தில் குடிப்பழக்கத்தால் கணவனை இழந்து, மகனை இழந்து, அப்பாவை இழந்து
பல குடும்பங்கள் தவிக்கும் செய்திகளை நாம் பார்த்திருப்போம். சமீப காலமாக
தமிழகத்தை சீரழிக்கும் மதுபான கடைகளை நிரந்தரமாக மூட பல போராட்டங்கள்
நடந்து வருகின்றன.
இந்த சூழலில் இந்த குடிப்பழக்கத்தால் சமூக கலாச்சாரம் சீரழியும், குடும்ப
உறவை சிதைக்கும் சில சம்பவங்களும் நடப்பதாக ஒரு ஆய்வில் தெரியவந்துள்ளது.
சமீபத்தில் ஆல்கஹாலிக் அனானிமஸ் என்கிற அமைப்பு தமிழ்நாடு முழுவதும் ஒரு
ஆய்வை மேற்கொண்டனர்.
நாள் முழுவதும் குடித்து எந்த வேலைக்கும் செல்லாமல் வறுமையில் இருக்கும்
ஆண்களின் மனைவிகளில் 80 சதவீதம் பேர் தங்கள் மன அழுத்தம் அதிகமாகி உடல்
சுகத்திற்காக பிற ஆண்களை தேடி செல்வதாக அந்த ஆய்வில் கூறப்பட்டுள்ளது.
பணி செய்யும் இடத்திலும் இதுபோன்ற வற்புறுத்தலுக்கு அனுசரித்து போகின்றனர்.
குடும்பம் நடத்த வேண்டும், பிள்ளைகளை வளர்க்க வேண்டும், படிக்க வைக்க
வேண்டும், கணவனால் எந்த பயனும் இல்லை போன்ற காரணங்களால் பெண்கள் இத்தகைய
முடிவை எடுப்பதாக அந்த ஆய்வில் தெரியவந்துள்ளது.
Take some time to connect to what you really want, so that you feel surer within. If you decide to stay in the marriage, it is important for you and your spouse to have worked through the baggage of the affair and move forward. Marriages do survive affairs, and yours can too, if you want so.
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