Don't Make Assumptions: The Four Agreements

We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The true problem with making these assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking-we take it personally-then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we're asking for problems. We make assumptions, we misunderstand, and end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.

All of the sadness and drama you have in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally. Once we do these two things, we start gossiping about our assumptions. Because we are often fearful of asking for clarification, we make assumptions, and then believe that we are correct in these assumptions. Then, we defend these assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. It is always better to ask questions for clarification because assumptions set us up for suffering.

We tend to only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. We do not perceive things the way they are. We literally dream up things in our imagination. Because we don't understand something, we make an assumption about the meaning, and when the truth comes out, we often find out it is not what we thought at all.

Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for trouble. Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don't have to say what we want. We assume they will do what we want because they know us so well.

We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption humans make. This is often why we have difficulty being ourselves around others.

The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to have the courage to ask questions. Once you have the answers to the questions, you won't have to assume anything at all because you will have the truth. Also, find your voice to ask for what you want. Everyone has the right to say yes or no, but you always have the right to ask. Likewise, everyone has the right to ask you, and you have the right to say yes or no.

Don Miguel Ruiz